Have you ever had to runaway from the moment, to protect you and your children from the wrath of a super-strung-out-mommy ready to explode?
Oh ladies I’ve been there. All too recently in fact.
Sometimes it’s just too much. After breaking up 22 fights today between my 3 rambunctious toddlers within 22 minutes, changing 11 diapers and performing 13 wardrobe changes (none of which were my own) before we even hit noon today, I was ready to throw in the towel. The explosive tantrums of my 3 little’s were becoming too much for me this day; I was about to be the one banging my head on the tile floor, screaming and whining for someone to relieve me of the chaos that had me surrounded.
Sometimes it’s just too much.
It’s OK for me to admit I don’t have it all together at times. It’s OK for me to admit that this motherhood gig, on top of all the other hats I wear, is getting to be too much for me at times.
Today it was just too much.
So before another meltdown ensued which would press me past my overflow valve, I grabbed my keys and threw all the kids in the car.
I began to DRIVE.
Wherever the pavement ended up taking me.
I found myself enlisting in the help of my “village” while I was out and about. Which helped dissipate the initial boil overflow.
Yet in these moments when my kettle is whistling and the volcano inside is erupting, I can hear God calling me to seek Him…
I soon found myself driving out of the busy suburb where I lived toward the nearby pasture land with cows and horses peeking through the sun-weathered fences. I began to breathe a little deeper, my pulse started to slow to its normal tempo. The quiet hum of the car, the stillness of my twins behind me observing the trees whizzing past and my baby girl gently purring with her eyes closed, began to calm my soul.
I sighed and prayed, begging God for His help. A verse ran through my mind…
“As a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you oh God.”
A peace surpassing all understanding washed over me as I soaked in the truth of His words. A sense of calm began to restore my recent frazzled soul. I could feel God moving within me, filling me with strength, surety, and stillness as I continued to pray for guidance, for patience, for assurance. My thirst for something or someone to relieve me of my ache was being quenched in the moment as I prayed. God filled my heart past its blind hunger for relief, providing not simply relief but an even deeper restoration of my soul.
Arriving home I noticed further change in my children. They all seemed to be at peace after an hour drive of stillness. They were calmer, steadier with their emotions, and quietly began to explore the world around them.
Oftentimes I want to runaway from the chaos of life toward something else to fill my heart with peace amidst my calamities: food, shopping, checking out to social media. Even though none of these things are inherently bad, they can oftentimes become a cheap filler from the soul filling restoration I am seeking to find. I have started to re-think these actions and process through the question of “what truly restores my soul?”
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
I pray you know how much you are loved by The One who can provide everlasting fulfillment of the questions we all seek: Am I beautiful? Am I loved? Am I significant?
Friends, seek solitude and stillness so you can hear Him speak, our Creator who intricately wove us down to the last detail, who loves us wholly and unconditionally, wanting nothing in return. You will hear Him answer:
“You are beautiful.”
“You are loved.”
“You are significant.”
“I will restore your soul.”