Have you ever just completely lost it? You know, when it feels like the world is crashing down on you and you just can’t keep up?
I did. In fact, I had one of those moments last Sunday. Yep, not a month ago, not a year ago. But a few days ago.
The funny thing is, it was only one day after a mini-retreat away where I left on Friday afternoon and came back Saturday night (which you’d think if I was taking a break, I’d come back refreshed. Not this time).
And if you’ve been following along on my Instagram or Facebook, you probably know what I’m talking about.
Anyways, I was there to finish up some things on my coaching programs and write a sample chapter for a publisher interested in my next book (cue all the excited emojis!)
I went with a writer friend, Becky Thompson (if you don’t know her, you should), and we had a wonderful time connecting and, well… writing!
However, I kept getting stuck (alas the writer life) and met unexpected challenges during this time.
I don’t need to go into details, but let’s just say coaching videos I thought were recorded weren’t, editing I thought would be quick and easy wasn’t, and things just didn’t go as smoothly for me when it came to getting as much of my work done as I wanted to.
In fact, when I got home Saturday evening, I went back to work (mostly because my husband and kids were already asleep and I, of course, was exhausted but couldn’t sleep).
The next morning, I felt like a zombie from lack of sleep and STILL had multiple lose ends on projects waiting for me to tie them up with a pretty little bow. Except, I was stressing that I would have to put them into one of those baby birthday bags I still have, with no ribbon or tissue paper, and present it to my thirty-something friend with an apologetic face.
As I wiped the sleep buggers out of my eyes, I noticed the house in shambles, laundry piled up, and somehow I decided this would be a good morning to quit coffee (I know, who am I?)
Ugh, I just can’t keep up with anything!
Presently, life has felt like this in just about every part of my life.
I can’t keep up with the kids.
I can’t keep up with the house.
I can’t keep up with my friends.
I can’t keep up with my work.
It’s just been one big heaping pile after another of “I can’t keep up!”
So of course, I jumped into the car with the family heading to church and my husband, noticing my overwhelmed state says something…
I’m not even sure what that something was, but it triggered a whole lot of emotions and our holy morning quickly escalated to a loud, tearful argument with me shouting at him, “I need you to tell me ‘You can do it, I believe in you, this isn’t all for nothing!’” (cue the waterworks).
I tried to pull myself together after that because church was only a three-minute drive down the street and we had been driving two-minutes already.
Have you ever had one of these moments, too? Where you finally crack after trying to stay strong for so long, believing that if those fissures begin to form then everything you’d been working so hard to keep together will fall completely apart never to be put back together again?
Yeah, I feel ya. But let me tell you something that the Father gently told me after this unsightly moment: when you crack it finally gives way to My Light shining through to bring forth much needed refining that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.
The rest of the day was filled with more breakdowns and meltdowns, but guess what? It was also met with a beautiful breakthrough as I moved past the lies I was believing in and restored my heart and mind back to what is True:
- I AM with you
- I AM for you not against you
- I AM working through you
- I AM able to do immeasurably more than you believe
- I AM working all things for good if you trust and follow Me
Sometimes we get hung up on the “I can’t keep up” statements running through our heads 1,687 times per day. But friend, we were never meant to do it all in the first place.
When we can’t, God can.
When we are unable, God is able.
When we crack, God fills in those gaps.
I don’t know what cracks are cracking in that chiseled heart of yours. I don’t know what mountains you’re facing in this present storm. But I DO know SomeOne who is able to move those mountains for us, and shine through those cracks we are trying to hard to keep together. I know SomeOne who is able to comfort us.
I know SomeOne who is able to restore our hearts and minds back to what is ultimately true.
So, when you’re starting to crack and crumble and feel like you just can’t keep up, surrender it all to Him and remember God is bigger than fissures you are facing.
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