(Part 1)
The time has come for me to share something I’ve been holding onto until the time seemed right. Which happens to be just before this story has reached its turning point of belief. It’s our story of radical faith in the waiting.
Have you ever heard of the saying, “faith is a muscle”?
Right now my muscles feel ripped and sore. They are being tested as I embrace the reality and weight of what God has called me into. A journey I never would have said yes to years ago. Yet because of my curiosity to move forward in this journey with God and experience first-hand the active ways He relates to me through it, my heart has become opened with awareness to His presence around me every day. I am at a place in my life where I feel my world on the edge of falling apart and falling into place at the same time. A place to experience the real depth and reality of God in ways I’ve never known, nor experienced before.
In a nutshell, it started many years ago when my husband and I had already moved past a few first years in marriage. He began praying for identical twin boys… for 3 ½ years. Sure enough, we now have identical twin boys birthed from my belly. That’s not the end though, oh no…
To give you some context, I was done having children after this pregnancy, with a capital “D.” Horrible complications to the max and exhausted from twins, I vowed “No more kids for me.” Yet within 9 months after having my twins, I received clearly spoken words from God telling me,
“stop saying no, I have a little girl waiting for you.”
I now have my daughter who is 19 months apart from my twins.
After the birth of my daughter, I told God I was really done having more kids now (like I’m in control of this—although I have taken every measure possible to ensure this reality!) I had another horrific pregnancy with my daughter, and the demands of three children under two in less than two years began to tip the scales for this tired and worn out mama.
However, soon after the birth of my daughter, God gently spoke into my heart and my husband’s heart that we were to have another girl. Not from my womb, but there was a girl out there waiting for us in the foster system. Even more specifically, we believe God said there’s a girl born on December 18, 2013—the same birthday as my daughter’s—which makes this her “twin” sister in the foster system. Basically this is like trying to find a needle in about 10 million haystacks.
Converted cribs for my “twin” girls!
I know how this sounds.
Before I get into even more crazy details of this story with you, I was sitting here praying and felt led to share the classic story of Noah and his journey of faith—which relates so well to my story.
Everyone knows it. It’s a common story in Sunday school.
So often, we skim past this well known story of the Bible, perhaps even glancing over it like it’s a cute fictional piece—a nice fairy-tale of sorts. Yet I have become more and more challenged by this story that there’s more to it than a first pass.
Although I am building no ark, I have been stepping out in faith with God on a journey that started long before this story began 2 ½ years ago. It was a slow evolving process of understanding and seeking to experience God in deeper ways, something I am still seeking to understand and grasp the reality of. It has required taking one small faith step in front of the other, slowly building, moving forward as the growth of my faith in turn begins to take on deeper roots.
The story of Noah demonstrates God is capable of infinitely more than I often give Him credit for. If I believe God was capable of doing these miracles then, how can I not believe that God can do miracles through others in today’s world, now?
If God was able to speak to Noah so directly, so clearly and spell out all the details to him then, can it be possible that God is able to speak in the same way to believers, directing us toward His purposes now–doing things that are beyond our comprehension?
God is the same God yesterday as He is today. Understanding this piece of the puzzle has become vital to my journey as I seek to experience God in deeper ways.
If you read between the lines with this story and really picture yourself in Noah’s shoes, I can’t help but see the resemblances of Noah’s story to mine in the current season of life that I am in.
Noah had great faith, a deep faith in God. I believe this was because God had given him tasks prior this story, requiring the building of his faith. It’s doesn’t say this, but I can’t help but believe that “God counted Noah as righteous” because he was already walking in faith with Him. Taking those baby steps of faith until he was ready to take on the incredible faith stepping challenge of building the ark, trusting in God’s leading with what seemed an overly big and impossible task.
When the time and season seemed right, when Noah seemed ready to stretch his faith a little bit more and go a lot a bit deeper, God invited him to take on the task of building the ark which would deepen his faith in Him all the more as well as attest Gods glory through it. It was a task beyond what a normal person could handle. A task which would take 100 years to complete. As task which required trust that God would bring the rains to flood the earth like God said He would… after it took Noah 100 years to build it. And what did Noah say? “Sounds good, I believe you God. Let’s do this!”
Ok well the Bible actually says simply, “Noah did everything just as God commanded him.” (Gen. 6:22) Still quite the impressive statement, don’t you think?
God was specific in His directions to Noah. From cubits to the type of wood to the doors and windows of creating this massive boat, Noah followed His instructions no matter how crazy it sounded.
I think about how long it took Noah to keep diligently walking that faith. I imagine people ridiculing him as he set about building this massive boat.
I’m sure people gave him a nice pat on the back and said, “good luck” as they perceived how illogical the whole thing sounded.
Then there’s this deeper wonder of, how did Noah know it was God’s voice speaking to him? Applying this to my life, how can I be like Noah and know God’s voice when He speaks to me? How can I know when God tells me to build an ark and believe it was truly God speaking?
Yet, here we are now, 2 ½ years into our journey to obtain our promised foster child because of the constant reassurances of God’s guidance. We have prayed and read scripture, and prayed more and read more scripture, and it continues to give us the trust and peace we need to believe He is in this journey with us. He has beckoned us to follow Him in ways which cut against the grain. It doesn’t make logical sense, but in our hearts it makes total sense.
I never wanted to step into the foster system, let alone have another child. Yet there is a verse which demonstrates to me how God gives us the desires He wishes us to have the more we dedicate ourselves to Him. It says in Psalm 37:4,
“delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
The more I seek God and delight myself in Him through his Word and devote myself to developing an intimate relationship with Him, the more He places desires on my heart that, I know, never could have come from me alone. My desires are slowly becoming His desires as I delight myself in Him.
I can’t even get into all the multiple, MULTIPLE, confirmations we’ve experienced helping us know that we are right where God wants us. Confirmations from subtle to mind-blowing giving us the belief this whole thing is real and part of God’s plan.
The real crazy part of this journey is the promise I was given on this foster girl’s arrival date. And if you haven’t picked up on why I will be off social media for 3 days, fasting during this time, it is because we believe that the promised time is obviously near.
The nearer this date comes the more my heart and head collide. Doubts arise. Questions pondered:
Can I really be sure God is in this?
Can I be sure my fallible human sense didn’t get in the way of understanding God’s leading?
Can I trust that the experiences I’ve had are because of the Holy Spirit leading in this?
Will He really bring the flood as promised?
Did I really do everything He asked me to do in order for this foretold story to become a reality?
Will my heart be able to take the weighty implications of what this story entails: the fact that in order for my world to be made “whole,” this little girls world has to become shattered?
Do I have what it takes to care for a foster child in my home and experience all the brokenness that comes with it?
How are my kids going to handle this change?
How in the world will I be able to handle everything that is coming my way?
This is faith my friends.
Pure faith without recklessness. Faith driven through the pursuit of God which has birthed desires and dreams in me beyond comprehension. A path less traveled and definitely more shaky as I step onto uncharted waters in hopes that my feet don’t fail.
“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)
Our converted cribs into a corner daybed for our “twin” girls.
