You find yourself in the quiet of your car.
The day is done. Removed from the previous hours of busyness.
In this moment of quiet the lingering ache begins to form again. The hollow emptiness you know all too well now.
There’s an underlying dissatisfaction with something—you aren’t sure what. Was it the mistake you made at work? The fight you had with your spouse that morning?
Your senses begin to tingle, pulling again at the thoughts of ways in which you might be able to burn some steam and fill this ache, yet not in the ways you should be thinking. A way to fill the hollow in your heart, to fill the craving.
Each time you act in the ways you know aren’t fulfilling—an internet browse filled with erotic pictures, a flirtatious connection you’ve maintained on Facebook with that person from your past—an invisible shadow seems to follow you home.
A thought came to mind, you’ve finally identified its name. Its name is Shame. Its best friend is Guilt—clinging to its side.
You are now beginning to identify some of Guilt and Shame’s other hollowed friends who’ve managed to follow you home as well: Depression, Isolation, and Despair.
You’ve been largely unaware of these numbing hollows following you home up until recently. A shift occurred in your heart, something changed—what was once exciting and seemed fulfilling has left you empty and dry as you find yourself digging in deeper with these hollow forms of sexual pleasures.
You’ve come to a moment where you question:
“How did I get here?”
“What did I become?”
Many men and women find themselves in this place—a place where the struggle of their identity becomes real.
Sexual Integrity issues are real and ever present in our society at large. It not only affects men (like so many of us believe); it has become a real issue for women as well.
We live in a world vastly unaware of how deep and how dark unhealthy sexuality struggles really are—they slowly leach out the soul. We are unaware of how much information is bombarding our minds—social media, advertisements and technology—creating false truths to this concept of true healthy sexuality.
Many of us have a warped view and understanding of healthy sexuality. Or perhaps you believe that experiencing healthy but intoxicating sex is an oxymoron?
I thought this at first as well.
Let me share with you just one mind-blowing argument that I know to be true.
Gods holy design for sexuality blows the doors off of your version of sexuality!
You can experience sex on such a deeper, fuller level than you’ve ever experienced or thought possible. And great sex merely scratches the surface of explaining the depth and impact of what can be experienced.
“How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!
Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue.
The fragrance of your garments
is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
with choice fruits,
with henna and nard,
nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes
and all the finest spices.
You are a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon.”
Is this passage not deeply sensual, sexual and erotic? This passage comes straight out of the bible in the book of Song of Songs (Chapter 4)!
Sex is more than just the physical. There is deeper beauty and richness to sex within its original design which perhaps you’ve never experienced yet—and never will experience outside the bonds of an intimate relationship.
God created sex. He created man and woman to come together like a fitted puzzle piece. It is no surprise or random chance that we fit together in such a way.
God created sex to be good in its original design. He created intimacy to be shared between husband and wife. Yet, He created it to be shared within a certain context—not in the warped, tainted view that our world has greatly made it out to be.
Gods desire for us was and is to experience wholly gratifying, enjoyable, healthy sex and sexuality within the context of marriage.
Yes, God doesn’t approve of all the ways we’ve used sex and sexuality. Unfortunately we’ve created unhealthy ways to use it. Society at large has lost the deeper understanding of it… clearly.
Affairs have become the norm.
Pornography is widely available and accepted.
Sexual abuse is sadly a result of inappropriate ways to deal with ones deeper issues and rooted struggles of the heart.
Sexual dissatisfaction in marriages are accepted as common.
Sex is looked at as bad by some because we’ve forgotten the deeper realities of it.
My husband and I have been on a journey. We’ve experienced life-changing transformation through this topic of sexual integrity for men and women. We’ve experienced healing in our marriage, restoration in ourselves and complete freedom from the chains that use to en-snarl us away from experiencing true intimacy and gratification in our marriage. And now… we are sharing this with others.
There is more to sexual integrity struggles than what meets the eye. There are more insights you can learn by unearthing the root cause of this issue. There is more growth and knowledge to be had in this area which unfortunately is weakly talked about within the Christian circles.
If you want to talk more about this, in a safe and open setting, I invite you to come to one of the classes listed below.
Be bold. Have courage. Come—and be restored.