{R&R STORY #1: GUEST POST by Maretha Retief}
Have you ever wondered whether your life serves any purpose for God’s kingdom? Maybe you have prayed and sought answers from God about whether or not you are living inside His purpose for you?
I have been there and for many years the motivation behind my “driven” personality was that I am doing everything for God’s glory only to realise I was really only doing it for myself and the success and false identity I was chasing.
I have been disciplined and hard working my entire life, mostly because I was born with a disability in my left hand and believed I had to earn my acceptance through performance, whether it was on a tennis court, in a classroom, in an exam or in the workplace. I would put in any amount of work to show my worth.
The hard work was never the problem, but my motive was questionable.
I had no understanding of having a “balance in life”. For me it has always been “all work and no play”. I believed “play-time” was a waste of time. If I was not using every minute of every day to perform one or other duty I was being an oxygen thief.
I was going 100 mph in first gear and quickly approaching a point of exhaustion without realising any of it.
During the first few months in 2010, God decided it was time for a change in seasons. I became restless in my job and by His grace He opened a new door. An opportunity I grabbed with both hands. I took a stance to start looking for a little more balance in my life but failed and caught myself still entangled in my “all work, no play” mentality. I took the same approach in my personal life and needless to say did not allow myself pleasantries or had many relationships.
My turning point arrived during a near death experience during the 2010 Comrades ultra-marathon where I had to face the question again, “What did all my hard work ever mean to God’s kingdom?”
An eye-opener of note.
Again, my hard work was never the problem, but my motives were. I somehow believed by working hard and always doing more than what was expected of me was enough and brought God glory. That was not the case. The only one that got any glory for my performances above all expectations throughout my life was me.
It is true that God can use us anywhere we are, but that can only happen if our eyes are on Him and not on ourselves. For too long, my heart was willing to be used by God, but my eyes were fixed on the wrong goal. I focused on my achievements with the hope that it would earn me acceptance and make me usable for God’s kingdom. The reality … I gave little to no space for God in the melody of my life’s song.
In the darkest hour of my life I grabbed onto my second chance with both hands. Matthew 6:33 obtained a new meaning for my life…
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, NASB)
Many times we think we place God first; only to realise we do not as we continue to follow our own thoughts and plans. A mistake I still make at times and it takes a conscious decision on a daily basis to put God first and not my idea of what His plan is. The focus of my work has changes as it is no longer on what I can do for God but about what can God do through my abilities.
Who does God want to touch in my workplace?
What role does He want me to fulfill?
It becomes about Him and not about me.
It is no longer about the rhythm I can create for my life but finding God’s unforced rhythm of grace.
Have you found your rhythm with Him yet?
About the Writer: Maretha Retief is a follower of Jesus, a wife and mommy who lives in Pretoria, South Africa. Being born with a disability, she writes with a purpose to reveal the love of Jesus to the world in spite of our shortcomings. She blogs at Seasons with Christ. You can also find her on Instagram or Facebook!
